The Police Will Not Be There
The reason why everyone should take self defence seriously, no matter what country you live in, or how “safe” you think your neighbourhood may be, is that criminals and malicious people exist everywhere. Criminals usually rely on ambush tactics, they deliberately choose a moment to attack which suits them, and not you. By definition therefore, the police will not be there, when most people are attacked by criminals! Even in well ordered countries with effective police forces, there is no way that the police can be everywhere, and it takes time for the police to arrive, even when you can call them, no matter how efficient they may be.
So you should accept the fact, in the event that you are attacked, you WILL be facing that attacker alone. It will be up to you to defend your life, and the life of your family. The police will only deal with the aftermath. That is usually all they ever do. They arrive after the fact. Whether you survive or not will be largely up to you, in most cases.
Don’t Be a Victim
For some reason, victimhood is almost exulted in modern society? People are encouraged to become more and more helpless and useless, and then when they inevitably become victims to some sort of misfortune as a result, their victimhood is almost celebrated as a virtue?
It is a fact that crime, criminals and evil people will always be with us. Criminals prey on the weak and helpless. Criminals, by definition do not obey laws, while us ordinary people do. Laws, policies and regulations which make it easy for criminals to operate, simply enable the proliferation of crime. This is basic human behaviour, older than time. We cannot pretend that criminality and malicious people do not exist, as we allow ourselves to be rendered helpless, or choose to become helpless.
Acting and behaving like a victim makes you a more attractive target to a criminal. You are thus more likely to be attacked. In other words thinking, and behaving like a victim is a potentially self fulfilling course of action!
So why not just make the choice to NOT think, and behave like be a victim?
You do not need to be helpless, to be a good person.
The core premise of this website is that it is helpful and useful to you, your family as well as broader society, that you are able to look after yourself. And once you can look after yourself, then you will also be in a position to extend help to others. That way you become an asset to society, instead of a liability.
The Objective of Self Defence
As always, action or training without any firm objective in mind, is ultimately an exercise in confusion. So before one starts down the road towards learning how to defend yourself, one should spend some time thinking about what exactly it is you hope to achieve overall. And then one should hold that objective firmly in mind, making sure that all your actions and training works towards that core goal.
To do this one needs to understand what “Self Defence” really means. It may help to use a simple definition which, for the purposes of this article is:
A self defence situation is any situation where you, or someone you have a duty to protect is being attacked, and if you do not take any action, the likely outcome to yourself, or your family, is severe injury or death, at the hands of your attacker/s.
Thus legitimate self defence situations are all life-or-death situations. They are not trivial arguments or disputes, which could otherwise be resolved.
You need to be reasonably sure that there is a real threat to life, to warrant taking this sort of action. The key word here is DEFENCE, you should only be acting with the objective of defending your life, or the lives of others.
The objective of self defence thus becomes simple, and clear – survive the attack and get home alive. Your objective is to preserve life – your life and those who you have a duty to defend. Nothing else.
Self defence does NOT include settling arguments, taking revenge, teaching someone else a lesson, showing someone else who is boss, or anything like that – if you are doing any of those things, it is likely you are in fact the attacker and self defence may be justified against you. So keep this distinction very clear in your head.
Awareness
Being aware of what is going on around you is probably the single most useful thing you can learn to do when practicing self defence. In addition, it doesn’t take a lot of effort or training to do that. All you need to do is pay attention and adopt a specific mindset.
Criminals and bad characters tend to ambush their victims. They look for easy pickings. If you go about your daily activities, oblivious to what is going on around you – you are advertising yourself as the perfect easy prey.
By being aware of what is happening around you, you are far more likely to spot a bad situation which is still developing, and thus avoid it, before anything bad happens. In addition, criminals can see that you are aware and might even leave you alone on that basis, because you have made their task that much harder.
Put your phone away and look around you.
Take notice of people’s behaviour.
There are different reasons why people might attack you. Common reasons are:
- Robbery – if you are “lucky” the criminals just want your possessions and will only attack if you get in the way. But in some cases their method of robbery might be to attack you first, and then take your possessions. In other cases, you may be a “bonus”, where they can take out all their frustrations on you.
- Arguments and disputes – these are social interactions which escalate to the level of violence. There is usually the chance to de-escalate these situations through negotiation and dialogue, but not always. In any event, you should never be allowing yourself to get into a stupid argument that escalates to violence, if you can at all help it. The potential consequences are just not worth it – just walk away long before it gets to that.
- Sexual violence – these attacks cannot usually be de-escalated through negotiation or dialogue, you will need to defend yourself, if you cannot get away.
- A-Social, psychopathic type attacks – these are the most dangerous, because in these cases, the attacker/s have already decided to kill or injure you, and are just intent on that. They will not give you any warning, will usually not even speak, may avoid eye contact, their only intention is get close enough to get that done. You will have to defend yourself, if you cannot get away. The types of people who commit these types of attacks range from people who are mentally disturbed, or have drug addiction problems, to really hard-core criminals, who kill for a living and you just happened to get in their way.
You need to stop thinking it will never happen to you, and start paying attention. Paying attention does not cost much, and is easy to do.
You need to develop the skills to spot these different situations before they develop. People have been attacking other people for thousands of years. We all have basic instincts hard coded into us, which help us detect these situations, if we bother to pay attention to what is happening around us.
Put your phone away and look around you.
Develop the habit of taking notice of the behaviour of the people around you.
Are they avoiding eye contact, while shuffling closer? Are they filled with adrenaline, or drugs, and all jumpy? Are they behaving strangely in general? Does something not add up? Are they watching you too intently? Are they following you? Are they positioning themselves in preparation for an attack? What do they have in their hands? What do they have in their pockets, or under their clothing? Are they trying to get too close to you? Are they being too nice? Are they trying to get you into their car? Are they trying to block your exit? Are they trying to engage you in conversation to draw you near and distract you?
If you are in a car, take notice of the people in the cars around you. Three or four males in a car, taking more than usual interest in you, is a potential warning sign. Are they following you? When stopping at an intersection, take careful notice of the people hanging around in the vicinity. Is anyone approaching from behind your car? Check your mirrors. Keep your windows closed and doors locked. Be ready to drive away.
Listen to that little inner voice inside all of us. That is your subconscious speaking to you, which is not encumbered by formal apparent logic, it does not need to give you specific reasons, nor is it bound by political correctness, or any of the other learned social behaviours we force ourselves to comply with. Your subconscious absorbs all the data it receives, even things you were not consciously aware of, and processes that data in ways which are more instinctive. That voice is literally evolution talking to you, it represents the survival lessons of all your ancestors, going right back to when those ancestors were wild animals fighting for survival in a much more dangerous world – so listen when it speaks!
Try to formulate the concept of a “safety compass” in your mind – think of a pointer inside your head which constantly points towards safety, so you always know where “safety” is, and how to get there, from where you are presently. You need to constantly look for, and note escape paths that lead back to safety.
If you go into a building, take notice of where all the exits are, and how to reach them, and just keep that information in the back of your mind. When you stop at an intersection with your car, leave some space so you can drive away if you have to. Try not to let yourself become boxed in. The idea is that if something bad happens, you are already aware of ways to get away and can use those options immediately, if necessary.
A very large number of bad situations can, or could have been avoided, if the people being attacked took notice of the developments in time, and then knew how to escape while they still could! All it takes is paying attention to what’s going on around you, as well as adopting that mindset, so that you are ready to act if necessary. Do not let social norms stop you from following your instincts, rather be embarrassed than end up fighting for your life!
Practicing awareness is not the same thing as being paranoid. Simply be aware of what is happening around you, with the objective of not blundering into bad or dangerous situations that could have been detected beforehand, if only you had bothered to take notice.
Another key benefit of taking notice of what is happening around you, is it allows you to mentally escalate your levels of alertness, ahead of time. Unless you are a Navy Seal, where your everyday activities include mortal combat, ordinary people cannot just instantly switch into that mode of being. For example, if you don’t believe it could ever happen to you, and are caught completely unaware by an attack, you might become frozen in disbelief, and thus not respond in time, or at all. By paying attention to what is happening around you, you are more likely to gain some forewarning of what is about to happen, and be able to switch into the correct mental state that allows you to react appropriately. It’s a bit like driving. If you pay attention to what’s happening on the road ahead, you can often see a dangerous situation developing, and thus be more psychologically ready to take emergency action, if necessary. Which can make all the difference between swerving to avoid a collision, as opposed to being oblivious until it’s too late.
Avoidance
Because self defence situations are all serious life-or-death situations, with potentially life-changing consequences, it is far far better to avoid getting into such a situation, than having to resort to fighting for your life, or someone else’s life.
So if you see such a situation developing, the first thing you should obviously do is try avoid it.
Leave if you can. Just focus on getting away to safety.
If you are in a car and are attacked, drive away if you can. Reverse out if necessary. If you need to bash your attacker’s car, or drive into your attackers, to get away, do that. There is often a moment when getting away is still possible, if you are ready to take the opportunity.
When you arrive at your gate, or any other gate, in your car, take very careful note of what the other cars are doing in the road around you. You need to make this a habit, because attacking people when they arrive at gates in cars, is a very common method used by criminals. Did a car containing three or four males drive by slowly just after you stopped? Did a car do a U-turn and come back? Are there any dodgy people hanging around near the gate? Is there a suspicious car parked in the street? If you have any suspicions about any of the cars, or people, in the road or nearby, rather do not stop at your gate, but keep on going. Go round the block and try again, when you are certain it is safe. If you are already stopped, make it a habit to not get out, nor switch the car off immediately, keep scanning your surroundings and your mirrors for a few moments (this is the moment when they are most likely to accost you). If you see anything dodgy happening, get going straight away, reverse if you have to, push their car out of the way if necessary. Be ready to use the very brief moment, while they are still establishing their attack, to just drive away.
If you are on foot, your objective is to get as much distance between you and your potential attackers, as quickly as possible. Try not let them come within two meters, at the very least, (because within that distance you may have to resort to fighting them off). But preferably, you need much more distance between you and them. Cross to the other side of the street, leave the building, head towards other people who can help (but don’t assume other people will help, because they will often stand by and watch, and do nothing else), go to where there is light, try move out of enclosed spaces, where you can become boxed in.
If you are sure that you can out-run them, run. But do not run blindly in panic, run towards safety with some sort of plan in mind. You should have been keeping note of where safety is. You should also be reasonably sure you can reach safety before they catch you. But do not run, only to get rugby tackled from behind, because then you will be in a much worse situation, on the ground, potentially dazed or hurt, with an attacker on top of you. For this reason, it will probably be necessary to turn and face them, when they get within arm’s reach, with the objective of incapacitating them first, before you run, so they cannot chase you and run you down.
Of course avoidance also means avoiding bad people, bad areas where crime is rampant, bad situations that could have been foreseen beforehand. So do not go wandering around bad neighbourhoods unnecessarily. Stay away from dark alleys, deserted parking areas, and that sort of thing.
If you have to drive around late at night, make sure you have sufficient fuel before you leave. Plan your routes so you avoid driving through dangerous areas.
Do not let strange people into your car, home, or gates. Deal with them outside, with a barrier in-between you and them.
If you are in a road rage situation where someone is trying to have an argument with you, If possible do not stop, and definitely do not get out to go argue with them. Just ignore them, drive away to safety, as soon as you can.
Avoidance is not the same thing as being scared of every little thing that might occur. Nor should you be constantly imaging bad situations, where none actually exist (although it is better to err on the side caution). It is just a matter of cool judgement, where your awareness has alerted you to a potentially bad situation developing, and then taking some measured steps to avoid blundering further into that situation, while it can still be avoided. You need to go on living your life as normally as possible – just with your eyes wide open and acknowledging the reality that bad things can, and sadly often do, happen. Your objective is avoid that happening to you, or your family, if you could possibly see the situation developing beforehand.
No-one else is going to keep you safe. It is up to you. So stay alert and exercise good judgement.
Being aware of your surroundings and trying hard to avoid potentially bad situations as you see them developing, can go a very long way towards defending yourself from the bad things that can happen in life. If you do nothing else, adopt these two techniques as daily habits.
De-Escalation
If the first two steps (Awareness and Avoidance) have failed, and you have been unfortunate (or stupid) enough to find yourself in a bad situation, where there are definitely bad people trying to attack you, or threatening to harm you or your family in some way, you still may be able to avoid violence by de-escalating the situation.
But use your judgement, and be VERY careful! Do not allow yourself to sink deeper into danger by being dragged into dialogue with an aggressor who is just looking for a reason to start a fight. If you can leave, just leave, get out of there. You are not there to “mediate a peaceful negotiated settlement”, or even worse, “put someone in their place”. Even with your best intentions, dialogue can run out of control and escalate a situation to violence. Besides you will probably have no idea who you are dealing with, nor what they are capable of.
Also de-escalation is not possible in some types of attacks, especially the A-Social types, where dialogue is useless, and the attacker is clearly intent on injuring you, no matter what you do or say. Trying to negotiate with a person who doesn’t care what you say is just a waste of time, and potentially a deadly mistake.
So be aware – the de-escalation phase may not be relevant or possible in some cases. You need to use your best judgement to recognise the different types of situations. Remember your primary objective is to get home alive. So if de-escalation is not possible, or is not yielding any results, do not keep trying in vain.
Also be aware criminals might lure you into a situation, which is advantageous to them, by engaging you in dialogue, so that they can get close to you, distract you, or box you in. You do not HAVE to be nice to strangers, or answer them at all. When the situation looks dodgy, or you are not sure what they want, just walk away. ALWAYS stay well out of arms reach, and avoid becoming boxed in.
If the bad guys approach within arms reach, are non-verbal, and are just coming straight for you with clearly bad intentions, or produce weapons, then you need to be ready to immediately dispense with de-escalation attempts and switch to actual self defence.
If you can actually de-escalate the situation, then get out of there as quickly as possible! Just because they allowed you to leave, does not mean they won’t change their minds later. Do not be stupid enough to still be there, if that happens.
Remember, Risk = Danger multiplied by Time.
Obviously exactly what you say and do will depend very much on the situation.
Try become a sideshow to them, someone who is unimportant, not worth their while or effort, as you edge out towards an exit.
Give your antagonists the opportunity to back-off without losing face, if possible.
Your body language is important. It should not be shrinking/submissive, inviting them to dominate you, because they might, if you give them the chance. But you also should not be aggressive. Your body language and speech should be telling them as politely as possible to back off, but without challenging them either.
It is extremely important to get your hands up near your neck and head with your arms in front of your chest, to be in a position to protect yourself if they take a sudden swing, or try to stab you, or something. You are also able to strike more quickly and easily from that position. But bring your hands up casually. Your movements should be slow and controlled and should not cause them alarm. Hold your hands out in placating gesture, close to your chest, up near your head. Form a sort of “fence” with your hands and forearms to signal you want them to keep their distance, but also don’t let your hands and arms get too close to them, to prevent them easily grabbing you. Stand neutrally, be flexible, relaxed and light on your feet. Be ready to move quickly. Don’t tense up, or start showing signs of preparing to strike or block, but be mentally ready to do exactly that. Drop your chin down towards your chest, this protects your throat and jaw.
If they are very aggressive, do not look them directly in the eyes, because that can inflame the situation by being interpreted as a challenge. Look at their chest, because that way you can see their whole body, including their feet usually. Monitor movement in their shoulders and hips, as well as shifting of their weight on their feet, for warning of any sudden blows.
Be very aware that bad people often hunt in packs, so there may be more of them than you first realise. Look around you casually as much as you can, to see what is going on around you. Also look for exits, walls, possible weapons etc that can be used to help you survive and get away, if necessary. But do that without losing sight of the immediate danger closest to you. Use your peripheral vision as much as you can.
Edge your way steadily towards an exit, if you can, and preferably get a wall behind you, so you cannot be attacked suddenly from behind.
You need to use your judgement and experience on how to get out of the situation.
- If it is a robbery and you are reasonably sure that just handing over the goods will end the danger, then do that!
- If a simple apology will end the situation, do that!
- If an offer to buy a drink for an aggressive drunk will make him leave you alone, then do that!
If you are armed, you need to use your judgement about when you produce a weapon. But be aware that when you produce a weapon, the de-escalation phase ends immediately, you are then in attack mode, so you better mean it, and be prepared to follow through completely immediately. Do not produce a weapon and wave it around, without really meaning to use it, in the hope that it will frighten people off. The chances are just as likely, especially if your attacker is experienced (remember that these people often literally do this for a living every day), that you will just have your weapon taken off you in that case, or perhaps they draw their own weapons and just kill you, while you are waving your weapon around! In any event, by producing a weapon and then not using it, you have given away all advantage you would have had, if your attackers never knew you had it.
Never produce a weapon unless you definitely intend to use it.
To further labour that point, be aware that if you produce a weapon before the situation is clearly life threatening, then you may appear to be the aggressor, and may be deemed as such by bystanders, and the law. Remember that the police, lawyers and judge are not there to see the incident for themselves. They have all heard every story under the sun. Your story will mean very little to them. They don’t really care about the nuances of the situation and will probably draw their conclusions based only on whatever evidence is in the docket presented to them.
Lastly, while it will seem weird, you may want to talk to your family about what they should do if you ever all get caught in such a situation. You need them to follow your lead without question, keep quiet, avoid eye contact, bunch tightly together, link elbows to prevent individuals being dragged away, and they should all huddle up behind you. They should keep their hands up near their heads for protection from blows.
When All Else Fails, Attack is the Best Defence
When absolutely all other steps have failed (Awareness, Avoidance and De-Escalation, in that order), and you are reasonably sure that your attackers intend to harm you or your family, and you cannot get away, then you need to change your approach completely.
Instead of trying everything you could to avoid escalating the situation, you now need to explode like a hand grenade in your attacker’s face, preferably without warning, when they least expect it. Your objective is to attack them so unexpectedly, and so violently that you render them incapable of hurting you or your family, or create the opportunity for you to get away, in the shortest time possible – in a few seconds ideally.
Also remember that this is not a game or a sport. There is only one objective—get home alive. There are no other rules.
For all those reasons, you cannot take half measures.
You can expect no mercy, so you simply cannot afford to lose.
Remember, the first person to inflict an incapacitating injury on the other, is usually the one that walks away, in these types of altercations. Because as a person gets injured, they become less and less capable of continuing. So make sure that cascading loss of function happens to your attacker, and not you!
If you do become injured, focus every ounce of your being on inflicting an incapacitating injury on your attacker as soon as you can, to turn the tables, while you still can.
But at the same time, your actions have to stand up to the scrutiny of the law, and have to be reasonable with respect to the level of threat you faced.
So the concept of minimum force necessary is still applicable.
But be sure to first solve your immediate problem, which is getting home alive. If you survive, you will have the luxury of worrying about the legal implications later.
So if you are already under direct attack, you need to counter attack immediately, aiming to incapacitate your attacker/s as soon as possible.
But if you have the opportunity to strike first, which is always better, then it is important that you choose your moment wisely. You will probably not get another chance, and you will obviously lose the element of surprise after that.
You need to pick a moment that gives you the best possible chance, when they are distracted or off-guard, or look away. A good tactic is ask them a stupid question and then launch as soon as they start answering, because most people cannot do two things at once, so while they are processing your question and their answer, you take your chance. Milliseconds count!
Do not try attack them when they obviously are ready and are in a much better position to respond than you are, especially if there are more than one of them. Try position yourself so that you line them up, so only one can reach you at a time. Wait until a clear, debilitating target, presents itself, that will allow you to incapacitate your nearest attacker. Pretend that you are still in de-escalation mode while you wait and position yourself.
Exactly how you should do that is a far bigger topic, beyond the scope of this article, and which requires professional training, as well as frequent practice.
If you carry a weapon, that is obviously the time to use it! You should know how to use it and be well practiced, so you do not fumble under pressure (again professional training is a good idea in most cases). You may be able to see from the points made above, that being armed in a bad situation like this could make a massive difference, it could well make THE difference. Although carrying a weapon in everyday polite company has it’s draw backs as well. And depending on the type of weapon, carrying a weapon can be a heavy responsibility. Most self defence instructors recommend carrying something that can be used as a weapon, especially for women and smaller framed people.